First day of fasting!

GOOD MORNING! Today is the first day of Puasa. Woah... I love puasa. I wouldn't spending my money on food or drinks. BUT spending on my transport fare only!!! I only hate it when I need to get up early morning. So... Let us see, that I can "tahan" for how many days!

HORRIBLE

Jealous? Sad? Anger? Hypocrite? and Back stabber?... Why is there more this than HAPPINESS??? Why can't there be joy, cheerful, laughter and all the good things happen around me? WHY!!! I HATE IT... Sometime, in the night all I can do is crying and crying. I feel my life is getting more and more worst like NIGHTMARE.

1. My mom having a heart-attack and high blood pressure.
2. Whenever I want to share happiness, there is jealousy.
3. Sadness, surely people thought I want to show sympathy.
4. Telling the truth, people says I show off.
5. Grandma will never come home again.
6. I feel lonely.
7. Sometime, I have this feeling people talks bad thing or word behind me.

I really don't know what to do. All I can do is just ignore and keep myself quiet. When can I get my happiness back? I wish:-

1. Share each other happiness.
2. NO sickness or sadness.
3. My grandma come home so that we can celebrate HARI RAYA together.
4. Occupied myself.
5. Always think positive.
6. NO jealousy. Just be yourself.

But... I think, my wish will never come true. It all under GOD hands and will. All I can do is maintain and try to cheer myself up. Haiz... That all I can said.

Happy and Complaining?

Happy day!!! Yahoo… Early morning, “Q.C” made me headache. She tells me all the difficult patient bring it in the morning.. In my heart says,: “ I know what my patient like and dislike. You don’t know anything just SHUT UP.” Hehehe… At about 4.00pm, Fei called me to meet her in her office. I thought I get scolding or bad report. But… It a good news! I get promoted to Therapy Assistant II and confirm to be in the Rehab. J When she finished congratulate me, I says to her that I got news about what had happen in the department. I tell her every thing about we sits at the canteen.

This is what I tell her:
1. Most of the therapy assistants feel sad about our senior show bad example to us.
2. All the junior P.T, O.T and T.A need to do more jobs than Physiotherapy (eg. Statistic, Counting of Chargers, Porter and so much more)
3. About Wen Yuan that bath so early and get out of the department at 5.00pm.
4. Sek Cheng who is so kanchong in her work.
5. I can only depend on you not others!
6. About the junior P.T and T.A feels in the rehab
7. And lastly I told her not to reveal my name to the others.

Fei was shocked upon hearing the news. Fei reply:

1. She feels so sorry about what had happen.
2. About Wen Yuan, Fei dislikes her too. She tell me that yesterday Wen Yuan supposed to be on M.C that why she went back so fast cause she lazy to go back to Malaysia.
3. Paper work?? She may ask the P.T to do some of it.
4. Sek Cheng is so kanchong because she afraid that the old incident may repeat and it may worsen
5. During the Staff Meeting, I shared my opinion.
6. I will not reveal your name to others. I will used “I receive some complain……….”

At my cousin house… which is my 3rd uncle’s daughter. We went to meet my grandma. My mom would like to apologise about what she have done. My grandma had remark that she forgives her a long time a go. My grandma still refused to come back to our house. She told to my mom: “ I make you so angry whenever I’m at home. You refused me go out. Let me be free.”

When it time to go back, I shook her hand and apologise about what I have done to her. I give her a kiss on her cheeks. She pulled my hand and gives me a kiss too. I was so touched by the way she give it to me. I cried!!! She told me to bring some of her equipment to my 1st uncle house. Haiz… Tonite, I wish she would be happy for the rest of her life. Let her enjoy.

ANGER!!!

Late again for work… Hehehe… I feel so happy and have a big smile on my face. I really don’t know why?? Maybe my physiotherapy (Mei Kuan) is going to Beijing for 2 week?? Wohahahaha….

During lunchtime, we were having a group gathering. Woah!! There is a lot and lot of complain from each other mouth. Cool… Most of complain are about our DISASTER P.T & ONE OF O.T SENIOR. Then, Dr Gerald Koh and Wanhan join in. They also share their problem with us… To me, this is a great time to share each other problem and feeling about what they gone through.
At 4.00pm, O.T Senior was typing her Barthel Index the whole day. It is unfair to us. She was sitting the whole day like a PIG doing nothing. ß Sorry to said this but it a fact. All her works has pass to her junior O.T. If I were Fei, I will kick her ass very hard so that she can’t seat. All she going to do is just stand and do her work. Woahahaha… Not only that, she have the hacked to bath and get out to work at 5.00pm. What the hacked is she doing men?? Did she realise that she is a SENIOR? Senior should show a very good example not a bad one…

Reached home, I saw my father was crying on the sofa by himself. In my head, I wonder what had happen. I asked my sister what had happen. They tell me about my uncle had behave weird and ugly toward my father at the phone call. I was so shocked. So, I sit beside my father and asked him what had happen actually. He told me that: “Your grandma wouldn’t be going back. She had stay at your others cousin house.” That time, my heart breaks again. But he said to me: “If she wants to be part of our family, she can. We will opened this door will full of our heart.” That time, my heart was boiling. I fell like killing my wicked uncle. Haiyah.!! I really don’t what going to happen next. All I can do is just pray hard to have a big happy family back.
That all I got to said. Adios!

Yesterday

At my cousin house, my grandma ignores me. Not me alone, that include my others of her daughters and son-in-laws. Haiz... So sad things happen to me like this. After one another problem comes. I can't believe with my own eyes and ears that my aunty had lied to us. When it time to go back, my dad tell her whether she want to follow... From my grandma mouth, she said:" I don't it to happen again." My dad was so sad and angry. Why did she do this to us? WHY!!..

TODAY!!!

Woah!!! I was so happy in the morning. I went to visit my boyfriend at Jalan Bahar in the Detention Barrack. When I enter the room, it is exactly like a jail. Fuyooo…. First time men… Hahaha… Behind the conference bar, I saw him. Haiyoh, he cut BOTAK again like YODA the STARWARS. I tell him everything that his parent has says to me and about my grandma. He is sad and disappointed to hear the news. He told to that he love that place… (You want to WHY???) Because, he doesn’t need to do exercise, he is alone in the room and he can sleep anytime he wants. Hahaha!!! Silly boyfriend of mine.

My mood change when I went to my cousin house. I saw my grandma. Her body is full with red dots. I really pity her. All day long I keep very quiet and I think she knows that I miss her. On the way to girl side, more than 20 of us bring a plate with full of present. At the girl house, we eat and take pictures. She looks so beautiful. WOAH!!! When it times to take a picture, my grandma pulled my hand. She says: “Come and take a picture with me.” So, I pulled my sisters hand too… My sister knows that I can’t be alone when I feel so sad with the person I loved. Lucky she followed me too… Going back, she needs a help of going down the bus. None of them help her caused most of them has an item to hold. ONLY ME who has no item to hold. WHY ME!??? So, I give my hand and she holds me so tight. That time, all the sudden I remember the way she used to hold my hand when crossing the road and I take a walk with her. I hold her hand all the way to my uncle house. They saw me with my grandma. They knew I feel uncomfortable and upset.

At about 8.00pm, my first uncle wants to go home. I was sitting one corner pretend not to know anything. Then, my grandma shakes all hands with my aunties and uncles and all the others. Last was me. When she comes toward me, my heart was sad and pain. Why is she doing this to me? I kissed her hand and decided to let it go. But she holds me tight and wants to say to me something. I wave my other hand to asked her to go before I cried. But I cried when she let go of it. She saw it. I just walk of and never turn. She shouts at me and says: “ I know you miss me. Are you really miss me?”. I just shook my head up and down. I walk in the toilet. In the toilet I cry as much as I can. My mom, told me not to cry. My mom told me that my grandma is going back to Malaysia tonight.Around 9.00pm, I phone my first uncle to ask him to call her. She has gone to Malaysia. I disappoint with myself. (I WANT TO TALK TO HER AND SEEK FOR AN APOLOGISED FOR WHAT I DONE). But, I was too late. That night, I cry all day long… that all. My friends who read this, TAKE CARE OF YOUR LOVE ONES…

Joke of the day

A police officer had a beautiful daughter, who fell in love with a boy who was an ordinary poor person. When the gals father came to know about their love, he did not like it at all, and so began to protest about it. Now it happened that the two lovers left their homes for a happy future. The gals father started searching for the two lovers but they could not find them. At last, he accepted their love and asked them in a newspaper to come back. Her father said that if u both come back i will marry u wit the guy u luv, i accept that u loved each other truly. So in this way their love won and the age old attitude of the tribe took a beating. The couple went to the city for shopping for the wedding. He was wearing a white traditional dress, and was crossing the road when a car came and hit him and he died on the spot. The girl lost her senses.After a long time she recovered and accepted that ! her love has died.

One night she was sleeping in her home with her family. Her mother had dream in which she saw a fairy. That fairy asked her mother to wash the blood spots of the guy from her daughter's clothes as soon as possible. But her mother ignored the dream. Next night the father saw the same dream, he also ignored it. Then when the girl had the same dream the next night,she woke up and told her mother about the dream. Her mother asked her to wash the clothes on which there were blood spots. She washed the spots but some remained. Next night she again had the same dream she again washed the spots but some still remained. Next night she again had the same dream and this time that fairy gave her last warning to wash the blood spots, else something terrible will happen. This time the girl tried her best to wash the spots, the clothes tore, but some spots still remained.

In the evening on same day when she was alone, i someone knocked the door,when she opened the door she saw the fairy at the door. She got very scared and fainted. The fairy woke her up..., and gave her an object,That awe-struck girl asked "what is this..? to which the fairy replied
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I called my boyfriend’s mother to ask her whether my boyfriend calls her in the nicer way. But from what I get is a piece of shit. I get scolded from her regarding about her son. She said: “Are you happy now? Because of you, he went to Detention Barrack. I want you to break up your relationship with him. You really make our family miserable. I don’t want to see you anymore.” That time, my heart is totally hurts and broke into piece. But it doesn’t end like that. I tell her off and say: “ You don’t what going on. I suffer more than you do. Most of the time, he always complaint about you for not caring and show him love. What you think about is money-money-money and your work. Have you question him, how are you and etc???” She keeps very silent. She told me that she want to go off to work. On the way to work, I’m so sad and cry the way she said to me like that. I really don’t know what my boyfriend tell the story to his mother.

At work, I keep tripping, not in the mood and forgetful…Today, my mind always thinking about the way his mother ask to break off the relationship. Hallooooo… Did she know we already been together for 1 year plus… and she just asked me to break up like that. Okie-okie… Back to my work, Sarah, Karen, Chitra, Sharon Sim, Sharon Foo and Zarina telling me why am I sad. I tell them the story of what had happen. Thanks you girlies for caring about me. Love You! Hahaha… our “Queen Control”, asking me to help her to look and sent her patient back to his bed. In my heart I said, “sickening queen”.

About my grandma, I decided to go to my uncle house. But, my father stops me from going to his house. He knows what my attitude. He doesn’t want me to fight. Caused, if I fight, my hands and mouth will move to their face. Lucky them… Tomorrow, I will be going to my 5th aunty house. Her child will be there. So, I wish nothing happen.

Lastly, I would like to thanks Bhavani my ex-secondary schoolmate for giving me strength. Thanks boy! That all I want to type. Tata!!!

As usual woke up late in the morning. Today my life is really sad and tired. Firstly, my family… What I see in my family member, it become worst than ever… My grandma left the house because of a fight with my mother. Not only my mother… With all her daughters and son… It really hurt my feeling to see my grandma cry all the time during the night. I feel like to killed or hurt the person who made my grandma cry. Now, I don’t know where she is. But, we made a called of all my family members. And to my surprised, my uncle and aunty lied to us that she is not in his house. What an IDIOT! They have the hacked to say: “Whenever you want to see her, you need to pay $200.00 each!” Halloo…. Look who you talking and dealing with!! It sounds like he selling my grandma just the cost of $200.00… What a damn! If his family member does this to her, I really going to slaughter them into a piece of meat…

Next, I received a bad news from my boyfriend. Another hurt for my heart. He called me and says: “Darling, I’m very sorry that I can’t be with you for the next 24 days. I will be in the Detention Barrack. It all because of the bad guys that done to me. I’m so sorry! Love you always…” That time, my heart is totally broke into pieces. Come on 24 DAYS!! It seems to be long. Whenever I got a problem, he will be there for me but not for today and the next day. Although, we fight most of the days, I really missed him. Why is all the sadness things happen to me now??? Why??? Please tell me… It really hurt! I feel like freezing the whole so that my guy and I will be together happily.

That night, I try to call his house. His brother pick up. And ya, I tell him could he call his mother? You know what the respond to my question? He said: “My mother is sleeping”. Actually, IT NOT! She is awake. If his whole family really hate me, just tell me the truth. I hate liars. Please Allah, let my life be normal without any sadness. I really hate it. Please! Thanks…

Early morning, I woke up late. I feel tired and sleepy. Why?? I talked on the phone with him till 1.45am. Whenever I told him that I want to sleep, he said we sleep another 5 more minutes. To me, his 5-minute is equal to half an hour. And it TRUE! I’m not joking. Humph! What a pathetic. I feel like smacking his face. I reached work 10 minutes late. SIANZ!

During working hours, as per normal bring down patient for exercise. Let them exercise till they sweat and shit on their pants. Eeeeeww…. Yuck! Hahahha… It true sometime. For those who didn’t want to exercise, we forced them. Actually CANNOT be force! That bad… Anyway, today doing some exercise for my patient not that good because of my tired and sleepy. I feel really lazy like I want to sleep.

Next, Therapy Assistant gets a bad news. What is it??? It totally sickening! We need to prepare all set of assessment papers whenever it is finished inside the PT file. And we need to file it! Woah… Like a slave siak… Therapy assistant is already in-charge of photocopying paper, counting of statistic, barthel index, and bringing charge file and doing patient. HEADACHE! What Phiotherapy does?? They just sit there relax and do a bit of work. What a lazy bump! I feel like want to kick their ass so that they can’t sit and shake their legs. Especially like the pathetic PT. Why can’t they be like Sarah, Wan Han, Patrick and Limin? Why??? I know everyone has a different thought. But, come on... You already know that you T.A have a lot of work to do. Haiyoh, I really don’t know what to said. I just keep quiet and let the time come. Then I talk straightforward to them.

After working hour, my boyfriend called. He keeps repeating about the camp again. Another sickening comes… Hahahahaha…. As for my boyfriend, he always gets scolded from me. Pity him!!! Nah… No time to pity people. If we pity them, they will make us guiltier. Be a tough and strong. ß Not always la.. Sometime we need to share shoulder for them to cry too..
Night… It is 10.08 pm, I haven’t sleep. I need to wake for that boyfriend of mine to call. Boring!! If I sleep first, he surely will keep nagging and make my ear drum in the hell of pain. So, let see…. What time I will be sleeping! So long, see ya tomorrow. Tata!